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“Something prevents me to live as I want to live” - exclaims Liza. She is a very successful and super smart UX designer in her late 30's.
“Like today in the morning: I wanted to go to the gym, but there again was that part of me saying take it easy, lets look at more emails, maybe check Facebook... just take your time, don't do anything… Lets just do nothing, that is the best!”
“Oh no… do we really have to go back to my childhood to fix this?” “Can’t we do this any other way?”
I often hear this, like now, when we sit down to set leadership goals for my CEO client. She feels she could bring a lot more out of her team. In our session the obstacles show themselves and they too originate in her childhood.
Early negative programming happens, well, early. But why? How can messages stick with us for decades?!
"When you sing root your feet down and touch them with an energetic touch. This is your trigger to be brave! Have fun! It's like a party!" - This is my client Vivienne's inner singer who we contacted in a session. Vivienne is a beautiful petite woman and her inner singer is a big black African-American lady, her name is Betty. She goes on: "You are singing for the people you love. It's not hard... this if FUN!"
My client has stage fright....
Raise your hand if you think of yourself as a collection of many different selves.
“I'd bet a dollar to donuts that 99% of your clients do not think about themselves this way" remarked Tom, a client of mine in last week's session.
After I explain to my new clients what I am about to explain to you they immediately...
“She was part of me, I was part of her. I cannot let her go. She was stronger… then I became the strong one. She was on her deathbed for 9 weeks. I still have the smell of the hospital in my nose.”
Michelle lost her twin sister seven years ago. She spent three years paralyzed after being in a horrible car-crash. Michelle lost her job taking care of her and now after all these years she still cannot get on with her life. She thinks about her twin every day, maybe every waking hour...
“So after a few sessions I will never suffer these sort of pain again…. ever?
Justin is an art director at a premier ad agency. He suffers from a type of separation anxiety: whenever a deadline comes and he has to part with his work he is beset with crippling anxiety.
With his earnest eyes wide, he prods, "No fear? No anxiety? All gone?”
When did “talking about a problem” really work? Maybe 1 out of 10 times?
Listen up, men. If you feel like it definitely didn't work for you why don't you stop going to therapy, and focus on solving your problems instead.
Three important points:
"Don't lie to me! I know you pawned the diamond earrings your mother gave you. You wouldn't have had to do if you didn't spend money like water. Both our salaries are small, and now, you want to borrow money from your father too? STOP SPENDING MONEY WE DON'T HAVE, GODDAMNIT!"
Welcome to a familiar scene from my childhood home. Picture me as a quiet twelve-year-old in pajamas with my ear firmly pressed to the kitchen door as my father berates my mother.
“I am just like my mother! At home, I put suffocating boundaries around my daughter and I drive my husband freakin' crazy with my nagging. At work, I've been promoted twice in last year yet I feel like a fraud and at night, I have terrifying dreams where I strangle somebody to death.”
Miriam is a top lawyer in a huge German company. She's on a see-saw; her mood, her productivity, the quality of her care for her children all fluctuate wildly. Sometimes she is over the moon, sometimes she has thoughts of death and bloody murder. Up-down-up-down...
“My boss is killing me! Yesterday, just like everyday, he barged into my office while I was on a conference call, barking orders at me, demanding better sales numbers. This is after a record quarter!"
This is how John answered my question of "What's bothering you?"
"I cannot stand up to him. I have tried to give him a piece of my mind at least 15 times, but I simply cannot start. I'm a coward.”
"Marriage is so boooring! Don't you remember the thrill of the hunt? New night, new girl. Each conquest different. Remember the different smells… the different personalities… the feeling of completing the challenge! You always loved to wake up in a new house, in the morning after, you felt you were on the top of the world! We could never get enough of that." sang Augustus to my client, Peter.
After many years and even more relationships...
Isabelle watched as her mother raised her hand and the first blow came down. She was beating up her small child again who was crying hard. But this time Isabelle came to the rescue. She stopped the beating and took the little child to safety.
Isabelle, who is an accomplished artist in her craft earning international recognition was on my couch fighting her demons from the past. Her mother’s violence scarred her for life, her childhood fear still haunted her daily. She had constant anxiety, she blew up at people all the time. She was alienating her business partners and her...
Suzanne felt the fear again as the humongous lumps of cold rocks were about the crush her. She was back in her nightmare where meteors were charging at her and she was scared to her bones.
Only this time she was in a lucid dream; in a safe trance state in my office on the couch. She saw it exactly as in her nightmares: Earth is in a distance, she is a lot larger than in real life, but these rocks are way bigger than her. The meteors are speeding towards
I'll never forget the time when I stared into the eyes of the dragon.
I was in my childhood home. The house was cold, empty and lonely. I wandered around inside, bumped into a few half-forgotten memories, when in the living room I observed a creepy black mist gathering.
That day, instead of facilitating an inner journey for a client, I was on a journey.
From experience, I know that a black mist is...
If you have experienced how destructive your inner voices can be then you can imagine how powerful allies they could be - if only they were on your side! Our voices in our mind are there for a reason. They are our sub-personalities; Jungian archetypes with important messages. They want to support us but if they are not heard out they can be disturbing. We all have developed ways of arguing with the voices every day. Now we know that does not help.
Instead of arguing we can find a way to make peace with them by using co-creative meditation. This technique works with guided relaxation where we listen to your inner voices one by one by accessing the...
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times”. She was succeeding as an artist in her craft, earning recognition from all over the world. Yet, on the inside she was scared. Events that scarred her during her childhood still haunted her and were affecting her life. She was alienating her business and romantic relationships by reacting to them with the rage of the child who had been beaten, and angry and sad that no one had defended her.
But that had happened in the past, and this was the present. If her mother attempted to beat her now, she wouldn’t be as afraid as when she was a child, since she would now have the ability as an adult to defend herself
The first step for her, and anyone else with this dilemma, is to realise...